Here of late, I find myself particularly torn and in conflict by the same image problem or concern that some of my friends in the blogosphere have talked about and may have faced.
Recently, I have been getting a lot more recognition for my posts over at Divine Aegis. I bring in a good number of readers, people seem interested in things that I have to say and it seems like people feel like I actually may know what I’m talking about. That feels incredible.
One of the downsides to having a larger than life personality like mine is that it tends to overshadow your work. For years, I have always battled this reputation as being such a personality and being a questionable healer. Strangely enough, I was more insulted and hurt by the latter than the former. I never really cared what people thought of me, on a personal level. I will probably never meet most of these people in any real life capacity and how they feel about how I live my life or the choices I make never affected me. But it always really bothered me that no matter what guild I was in, what accolades I had achieved, etc. I was never taken seriously as a good healer.
I never said I was the best healer or the greatest, but I do feel that I know what I’m talking about in some basic sense. I never got that recognition from people. It was always “She’s so loud” or “She’s so controversial” or she’s this and she’s that. It was always confusing to me that it had to be that way. Over the years, I would like to think that I have gotten better at knowing when to be more “me” than usual and when to play to the bread and circuses, sorta speak. That doesn’t mean I still don’t struggle with such things, though.
Since I immersed myself in the WoW blogosphere, I have found that I have come up against several bloggers or several topics that I disagree with. The inner me wants to bring up these differences and discuss them, to debate them. I tend to play rough, though and I can’t promise that such discussions would always be as friendly and as personable as others are used to. I do have an aggressive personality and I can’t always say I take the high road. It’s hard for me to bite my tongue. It always has been.
So, on the one hand I feel obligated to say something and call out people or things that I feel are wrong and to assert my own opinions or feelings about certain subjects and on the other hand I’m worried that if I do that I will be dealing with that age old issue of my personal feelings and actions getting in the way of my professional ones. I worry that people won’t notice the contributions I’m doing on the priest side of things, because of what I could be saying in other arenas. I don’t want to take the focus off of my work.
It’s an interesting dichotomy, to say the least.