I’m sick. I can’t guarantee that both of my nostrils will be working at the same time. I feel as if my body has been run over by a steamroller. It hurts when I swallow. I have been blowing my nose so much that it’s starting to turn pink and I can’t keep this rogue piece of hair in a clip on the side of my head, so it keeps sticking out in a random fly away fashion.
What better time to decide that I want to do my first Heroic 5 man instance?
I did everything right leading up to the event. I created a thread on the guild forums, asking if anyone would like to come with me, since I would rather my first time be with as many guildies as possible. The replies were few, but there was enough there to form an all guild run. When I came home from work, I picked up buff food from the AH, made some potions and made sure I was stocked up on drinks. I picked up a few enchants for the blue pieces I knew I would not be replacing any time soon and I considered myself good to go.
Our tank logged on and we decided to do a random Heroic first, for the Valor points and such. As luck would have it our first Heroic ended up being the Stonecore. Word on the street is that the Stonecore is the nastiest of the Heroics and I began to receive a number of condolences on Twitter, when I stated that was where I was going. The trash mobs were fine and the healing wasn’t too difficult. Then we reached the first boss.
Our group consisted of a prot paladin, a shadow priest, a hunter, a feral druid and myself. Not exactly a lot of AOE capabilities there. As luck would have it, this boss not only summons more of the bugs between phases, but his crystal shards spawn shardlings that need to be dealt with, too. When they explode, they cause massive damage to any players standing in the explosion area. Things were not going very well. I suggested possibly having one person dedicated to the critters and nobody seemed to approve of that idea. Some of us were caught in the burrow path and died instantly, myself included.
For whatever reason, it just wasn’t coming together. After a few more wipes, we decided to try our hand at another random and soon realized that putting ourselves back in the queue would take us right back to Stonecore. Someone brought up the idea of Grim Batol and so we tried our luck there. The minute we walk in the door, the feral drops group. A few moments later, he logs offline. He comes back a short time later, offering no replacement and tells the tank that I was the reason he left.
Apparently, I have ruffled some feathers in my time with the new guild, because there is a slowly increasing number of people who refuse to run with me. I really don’t understand people who do that. I can honestly say that I have never not helped someone or not ran with them because of personal differences. I can seperate how I feel about someone personally and how I feel about them professionally. More importantly, if something did come up and I needed to drop group, I would at least make sure that I announce I’m leaving and offer a sturdy replacement. I don’t just bail. More on that later.
So, the feral leaving already called into question my ability to do this. Did he leave because he didn’t like me or did he leave because he thinks I can’t heal and can’t handle this? He didn’t say or the tank didn’t tell me. We ended up having to PuG a DPS, because everyone else in the guild was already spoken for and it was clear that the rogue we took in had little understanding of the place. The first boss ended in more wipes and I was starting to lose interest fast. We had been at this for two hours and had no boss kills under our belts.
I was exhausted and downtrodden, so I asked one of our resto shaman to take my place and she was glad to help. I apologized profusely and explained I had to go. After I logged, I really wanted to cry. I always see bloggers talk about getting emotional over various things in the game and I never thought I would be one of them, but I was. I felt like a failure. I was frustrated. I felt inadequate. I couldn’t believe that someone would be catty enough to drop group because they don’t like me. I was feeling all of that.
I have 19 days to be raid ready and I don’t think I’m going to make it. I see people who I know that I’m as good as or better than breezing through Heroics and having a laugh about how much fun they are and all the great achievements and loot that they’re getting from them and here I am really struggling with it. It makes me angry. If they can do it – why can’t I? I don’t suck. I am not a bad player. I should be able to keep up.
Which brings me to my next concern. How do you know where the problem lies? I’m going on and on about how I was the loser here and I was the weakest link, but how do I know that? Maybe our tank was not geared enough or maybe I was pouring too much mana into sloppy DPS. How do I know that it was my fault?
I’m not really sure where to go from here. A friend suggested I take a breather and go get more gear. From where? I’m already farming the regular 85 instances and things are not dropping. I could perhaps buy some crafted PVP pieces, as they could be seen as upgrades for some things I’m wearing right now. One or two factions have something I could use at Exalted. That’s right – exalted. Like I’m going to reach that point before January 4th.
The only other thing I can think of is to maybe go discipline until my gear is better able to support being holy full time. I remember it was like this in Wrath. Nobody leveled as holy or farmed the initial dungeons as such, at least that I can recall. Discipline was always the way to go. I haven’t played discipline in ages, but it’s not like I have a shortage of great resources that I can learn from.
I planned on these runs being a challenge, but I think Blizzard really went overboard here. Getting into a fight with a 6 foot 5 biker in a dive bar is considered a challenge. Getting into a fight with the entire biker bar is overkill. You can still create a challenge for people without going so far as to clearly be trying to prove a point or make an example of people. We get it. They want us to learn and they want us to forget what Wrath taught us. I just don’t feel amping up the difficulty factor this high is the way to go.
I’m exhausted and could go on for days, but I should get back to work and attempt to trudge through my work day. I slept for crap and I feel terrible, in every sense of the word. I just want to get through this.